Pharmaceutical Recital

Shopping’s an illness,
The pharmacies have not yet diagnosed
A patent remedy for,
There’s no doubt

A concoction with a sheet of close instructions
Enclosed explaining reams of side-effects
Prognoses for main symptoms the potions counteract
Shall also be displayed with usual warnings
In thin red text emboldened like a shot of blood
Which state before you take a dose you might survey
Whether your mother handled fading pink carnations
Around the house in ‘82 or father kept
A goat originating from the Farne or Scilly Isles;
And if so halt: beware! beware!: lookout!:

Consult your scrying glass call NHS Direct
Offer your Patient Number up that so by this
Computer light might bring for scrutiny
To a tired nurse eyes what lifetime history
Of aliments, injuries and medications
Had you your family, and all of your relations
Receding back to ‘53 where records stop
When counting backwards

An incidence of shopping burgeons; it’s endemic
Contagious; and prognosticates incurable
Only to be well-managed by a strict austere regime;
Emollients downed three times a day and after deals
Are closed, once things are safely in the bag; such fare
Will kill the cravings overnight and dispose sleeps
So dreamless they will carry through till day,
The lean small hours, one safe without withdrawal
Wreaking its toll

These smart designer tablets somewhat sugared, somewhat sour,
Are sour to be convincing that indeed
Here’s medicine with powers to do the needful task
The sugar serves up cheaply added pap
Masking the pasty tastes and plumping waists
An additive concessionary; and sheer waste

The shopping yet goes on however; yes, one need not fret
That such an avid pastime might be sorely lost
The treatment like the sickness by an astute behest
Made up by persons paid for fabrications
That dignify with comfort’s consolations
And justify with invalid excuse
The urgent expeditions of intention –
One feels the fit come on, and onward shoots
And lo, before it’s known, the storefronts shimmer
The mind wide-eyed is like Cody to the saddle
And leaps to ride the horsepower after baubles
To wear so fair

And thus another product’s serviced from the factory lines
Another route for profits sorted nonetheless
What anybody benefits who buys such guff
Evacuated blatantly by otiose marketers
Such wastrel freeloaders, whose lies incline,
To ride cahoots and trade on blithe distinctions,
Their science and their bald integrities,
Fat company rewards for falsehood’s fellow-travellers

Sold to the highest bidder goes this Noble Prize
For services to medical chicanery
Here is a guy who trickstered half a hemisphere
On homespun wiles
Peddling a false uneasiness by shady schemes
The layman public trusting in his wise receipts;
Pushing out mere confections mere designer-gear deceits
Upon sham afflictions
An entry in who’s-who ensigns accomplishments
Of such as he withal; magna cum laude
The blazons of such din vibrate around the global curve
Sideways, by mates



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